REVIEW: Freaky (live action movie)

Freaky is a slasher horror comedy. I bought my copy new.

Review:

A group of teens is killed by the Blissfield Butcher, putting the town in a panic and potentially leading to the cancellation of the homecoming dance (because all of the legends about the Blissfield Butcher indicate that he focuses on homecoming). However, unbeknownst to everyone, things are a little different this time around. When the Butcher attacked Millie, a local teen, he stabbed her with a magical dagger that caused them to switch bodies. Millie is horrified to learn that, if she can't switch them back before 24 hours have passed, the change will be permanent.

REVIEW: Mr. Malcolm's List (live action movie)

Mr. Malcolm's List is a historical romantic comedy based on a book of the same title by Suzanne Allain. I bought my copy new.

Review:

Mr. Jeremy Malcolm is the most eligible bachelor of the season - even though he doesn't have a title, he's handsome and has inherited a fortune. In an effort to find a suitable bride, he's been spending a little time with pretty much every eligible young lady, the latest being Julia Thistlewaite. However, Mr. Malcolm has very specific ideas about what he's looking for in a wife, and Julia isn't it - she flutters her eyelashes too much in an attempt to flirt with him, and she knows nothing about current politics.

They only went to the opera once, so Mr. Malcolm doesn't think anything of not calling on Julia again. However, Julia is completely humiliated, especially when an embarrassing caricature of her and Mr. Malcolm starts making the rounds. Bent on revenge, she invites her impoverished friend, Selina Dalton, to stay with her for a while and then convinces her to help her with a scheme. She plans to introduce Selina and Mr. Malcolm, make Selina seem like Mr. Malcolm's perfect wife, and then have Selina humiliate Mr. Malcolm in return by telling him that he doesn't measure up to her list of qualifications.

It's not exactly a solid plan to begin with, and Julia certainly doesn't expect that Selina and Mr. Malcolm would actually fall for each other.

REVIEW: Doom (live action movie)

Doom is a sci-fi action movie based (loosely, I'm guessing) on the Doom game franchise. I checked my copy out from the library.

Review:

In the movie's past, a portal was discovered in the Nevada desert that led to an ancient city on Mars. Yes, you read that right. Anyway, in the movie's present, researchers are still investigating this ancient city and send out a distress signal when they're suddenly attacked by monsters of some sort. A squad of eight marines, led by "Sarge" (played by Dwayne Johnson), is sent to retrieve research data, kill the attackers, and rescue any survivors, pretty much in that order.

One member of the squad, called "Reaper," turns out to be the twin brother of one of the researchers, Dr. Samantha Grimm. As the team investigates the facility, they gradually realize what really happened to all the other researchers and what might now be threatening Earth.

REVIEW: The Meg (live action movie)

The Meg is a sci-fi action movie. I bought my copy new.

Review:

The billionaire funding a fancy underwater research facility visits in order to watch the first mission to explore whether the Mariana Trench is actually deeper than previously believed. It is, in fact, deeper, but celebrations are cut short as the mission submersible is attacked by a large unidentified creature, putting the lives of everyone on board at risk.

In order to save the people in the mission submersible, the team enlists the help of former rescue diver Jonas Taylor. Jonas, too, once encountered something like the creature that attacked the mission submersible, although no one believed him at the time. Unfortunately for Jonas and the research team, this rescue mission is only the beginning of their encounters with the "Meg" (megalodon, a prehistoric species of shark believed to be extinct until these characters find it).

REVIEW: Beau Is Afraid (live action movie)

Beau Is Afraid is a weird dark comedy. I bought my copy new.

Review:

Beau is a paranoid and anxiety-riddled man who is going to visit is mother tomorrow. Unfortunately, this will involve a plane trip, and there are many, many things that can and do go wrong before he even makes it out the door. Which makes this sound like a relatively normal story, but believe me when I say it isn't. Beau has valid reasons for being afraid, and yet even he could not possibly imagine just how weirdly horrible his situation will become.

REVIEW: Misery (live action movie)

Misery is a horror movie adaptation of Stephen King's book of the same title.

Review:

Paul Sheldon is tired of writing his massively popular Misery Chastain books. He'd like to start writing the kinds of things that win awards, so he kills Misery off in his latest book and then starts working on something fresh and new. He's just finished that book and is on his way from a hotel in Colorado to deliver the manuscript in New York when he crashes during a snow storm and is rescued by Annie Wilkes, a nurse who proclaims herself his #1 fan.

Paul has injured both legs, and Annie tells him that the phones will be down for a while due to the storm. In a show of thanks, Paul lets Annie read his newest manuscript, and she's outraged by its profanity, which she thinks is beneath Paul. Things only get worse when she reads his final Misery book and learns that he's killed off her favorite character. Annie forces Paul, trapped in her home by the snow and his injuries, to write a new Misery book that brings her back to life.

REVIEW: Jujutsu Kaisen 0: Feature Film (anime movie)

Jujutsu Kaisen 0 is a movie prequel to the Jujutsu Kaisen anime TV series. I bought my copy brand new.

Review:

Several years ago, an accident took the life of Yuta's childhood friend, a girl named Rika. Since then, he's been followed around by her cursed spirit, which comes out at unpredictable times to destroy anyone and anything that means Yuta harm, whether he wishes it or not. An incident with a group of bullies brings Yuta to the attention of the world of jujutsu sorcerers. Gojo takes Yuta on as one of his students, alongside Maki, Toge, and Panda.

Unfortunately for Yuta, he has also attracted the attention of Geto, a man whose goal is to create a society of only jujutsu sorcerers. Geto plans to take Rika from Yuta and use her massive power to get his way.

REVIEW: Werewolves Within (live action movie)

Werewolves Within is a blend of mystery, horror, and comedy based on the video game of the same name. I bought my copy of this movie new.

Review:

Forest ranger Finn Wheeler is newly assigned to the small town of Beaverfield, which is currently divied over a proposal to build a pipeline. Some of the residents welcome the pipeline because they'll be well-paid for it, while others feel that it would mar the area's natural beauty.

As a severe snowstorm blocks the way out and something busts up all of the town's generators, the town is suddenly faced with a killer in its midst. Chachi, a small dog owned by one of the residents, gets taken, and a local man everyone had thought had left with his mistress is discovered dead, partially eaten, and stuffed under his house. As the town devolves into paranoia, the new ranger tries to figure out what's going on.

REVIEW: One Cut of the Dead (live action movie)

One Cut of the Dead is...well, let's just call it a zombie comedy. It's not quite accurate, but I can't really explain without spoilers.

Review:

A director is filming a zombie movie that gets crashed by actual zombies. The actors and production staff are horrified. The director, meanwhile, is thrilled - he's finally getting the realistic performances he wanted from his actors.

There's a lot more to this than that, but saying too much would be spoiling things. Just trust me, as long as you're okay with occasional mild bodily fluid humor (there are a couple on-screen moments when someone gets vomited on, and one person spends time battling diarrhea but doesn't actually do anything on-screen), this is a surprisingly good movie.

REVIEW: The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent (live action movie)

The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent is a comedy. I bought my copy new.

Review:

Nicholas Cage stars as Nick Cage, a depressed (or just unstable?) and unfulfilled workaholic actor who's so willing to take whatever role he can get that it's ruining what's left of his relationship with his daughter, Addy. He reluctantly agrees to be paid to go to a millionaire's birthday party and ends up roped into an effort by the CIA to spy on Javi, a supposed arms dealer who has kidnapped a young woman in order to fix a presidential election.

REVIEW: The Menu (live action movie)

The Menu is a horror comedy. I bought my copy new.

Review:

A group of wealthy people pay somewhere between one and two grand for a dining experience at the Hawthorn, an exclusive island restaurant. For the duration of the meal, the guests can't leave the island - it's meant to be an experience in which they tour the grounds where the food is grown, caught, and prepared, before getting to eat each exquisitely crafted course.

As the evening goes on and the group is served increasingly odd courses, things take a very, very dark turn.

REVIEW: See For Me (live action movie)

See For Me is a home invasion thriller. I bought my copy new.

Review:

Sophie Scott had plans to be an Olympic skier until she was diagnosed with retinitis pigmentosa, a degenerative eye disease that causes blindness. She now spends her time house/pet-sitting for the wealthy - and stealing and selling their wine for extra cash on top of her sitting fees. Unfortunately, her latest job goes bad and she finds herself in a home invasion situation. Although she's able to call the cops, the house is fairly isolated and it will take a while for them to get there. She somehow has to stay hidden until then, or escape the house. All she has on her side is the See For Me app, which connects blind users with sighted volunteers.

REVIEW: The Men Who Stare at Goats (live action movie)

The Men Who Stare at Goats is inspired by the book by Jon Ronson and is a black comedy war movie. I bought my copy used.

Review:

Bob is an investigative journalist who goes to Iraq in an effort to prove something to both himself and his ex-wife, who left him for his editor. While there, he meets Lyn Cassady, a man who he realizes is connected to a guy he thought was a crackpot, who'd claimed to have once been part of a secret military project devoted to psychic abilities. Figuring that a huge story has potentially just fallen into his lap, Bob decides to join Cassady on his mission and learn more about the secret military program he was part of.

REVIEW: Nope (live action movie)

Nope is a sci-fi horror film. I bought my copy new.

Review:

The Haywood family trains and handles horses for television and film productions. There's been less and less demand for their horses and expertise, and after Otis Haywood Sr. is killed by a freak accident involving falling objects from a plane, things are looking even more bleak. His son OJ has resorted to selling several of the family's horses to Jupiter's Claim, a nearby theme park, although he hopes to one day buy them back.

OJ's sister, Em, sees an opportunity for the family to get fame and recognition when she and her brother realize that there's something weird hanging out in the skies near their ranch. They figure it's some kind of UFO, and if they can just get good video footage of it before anyone else finds out about it, they'll be set for life. However, it's not quite that easy, and there's a bit more to the situation than they initially realize.

REVIEW: Pokemon Detective Pikachu (live action/CGI animated movie)

Pokemon Detective Pikachu is a blend of mystery, fantasy, and comedy. I bought my copy new.

Review:

When Tim Goodman was younger, he wanted to be a Pokemon trainer. However, he left that dream behind after his mother's death and his estrangement from his father, Harry. He viewed his father as being more interested in spending time with Pokemon than with him. After receiving word that his father has died in an accident, Tim goes to his place to find out details and take care of things, only to discover a Pikachu who can talk (but only to him) and who claims to have been his father's partner. The two of them team up to discover what happened to Harry, restore the Pikachu's memories, and stop whoever is distributing R, a drug that makes Pokemon confused and violent.

REVIEW: Notting Hill (live action movie)

Notting Hill is a 1999 romantic comedy. I bought my copy used, I think.

Review:

An ordinary English travel bookshop owner has a chance encounter with famous American actress Anna Scott, which turns into a second chance encounter that ends with a kiss. The two are attracted to each other and Anna seems to like Will's family's awkward friendliness, but it's uncertain whether their budding romance can survive Anna's fame.

I'm slowly rewatching movies I remember enjoying years ago, and this was one of them. Wow, was this a weirder movie than I recalled it being. I completely forgot about the kiss at the end of Will and Anna's second encounter, for one thing, a moment which was made even weirder by the fact that she was the one who initiated it, for no apparent reason. Literally all Will had done up to that point was be awkward around her, give her a free travel book, spill coffee on her, and give her a place to get changed into clothing that wasn't coffee-stained. Why this made him stand out to her, among all the awkward men she must previously have met, I don't know.

REVIEW: Violent Night (live action movie)

Violent Night is an action/dark comedy Christmas movie. I bought my copy new.

Review:

A rich and just plain awful family gets together on Christmas Eve, only to be interrupted by armed robbers who plan to steal millions from war profiteer Grandma's vault. Luckily, Santa is there to save the day (although initially he just wants to get out of this situation as quietly and quickly as possible). Through conversations with Trudy, an adorable child who recently got to watch Home Alone for the first time, Santa gradually morphs from a bitter, lonely, drunken disaster into the murderous Norse warrior he used to be, all in the name of ensuring that good girls like Trudy get the wonderful Christmas memories they deserve.

REVIEW: Event Horizon (live action movie)

Event Horizon is a 1997 sci-fi horror movie. I bought my copy used.

Review:

Seven years ago, the Event Horizon starship went on its first voyage and disappeared. It has now (in 2047), mysteriously reappeared, and a rescue crew has been sent to the source of its distress signal. As the rescue crew tries to figure out what happened to the ship and find potential survivors, they gradually begin to see and hear horrible things linked to their darkest thoughts and memories.

This one gets a content warning for: suicide, cannibalism, and mutilation.

REVIEW: Happy Death Day 2U (live action movie)

Happy Death Day 2U is the sequel to Happy Death Day, although it switches up the genre a bit - this time around, it's more of a sci-fi comedy than a horror comedy. I bought my copy new.

Review:

This picks up less than 24 hours after the end of the first movie. Ryan, Carter's roommate, is killed by someone in a Baby mask shortly after checking on the experimental quantum reactor he's been working on with a couple other students. He then wakes up and reexperiences the same day all over again - when he tells Carter and Tree about this, they, of course, immediately know what's going on. They had assumed that everything was finished after Tree closed her time loop. Now they discover that Ryan is accidentally responsible for the time loops, and he's stuck in one himself. Just as they figure this out, things go even more wrong, and Tree ends up stuck in her original time loop...but in a parallel dimension. As Tree figures out the differences between her current dimension and her original one and tries to close the time loop for good, she realizes that she's faced with a choice: staying in her new dimension or going back to her original dimension. Both choices require personal sacrifices.

REVIEW: The Voices (live action movie)

The Voices is a horror movie with dark (very very dark) comedic elements. I think I bought my copy new.

Even my synopsis gets into spoiler territory, but I felt it was necessary in order to get across how dark this becomes.

Review:

Jerry is a cheerful guy who loves his job working at a warehouse in a bathtub factory. He's had some problems in the past, but he's now seeing a court-appointed psychiatrist and is doing great...except that he doesn't have any friends or a girlfriend, just his dog Bosco and cat Mr. Whiskers. But then he falls head over heels for Fiona, one of the office ladies (in Accounting, I think? I can't remember) at his company.

Unfortunately, she isn't nearly as enamored with him as he is with her and stands him up when he invites her to dinner. He sees her later when she's having car trouble and assumes that this is what kept her from joining him for dinner, so he picks her up and starts taking her home. Unfortunately, he hits a deer, which goes through the windshield. He hallucinates the deer begging him to put it out of its misery, which he does, slitting its throat with a knife, much to Fiona's horror. Fiona runs off and Jerry goes after her, accidentally tripping and stabbing her. He then "puts her out of her misery" as well, stabbing her repeatedly while apologizing.

When he goes home, Bosco, who Jerry hears as the good part of his conscience, tells him to go to the police. However, Mr. Whiskers, his darker side, doesn't think he should feel bad about killing. Although Mr. Whiskers pretty much wins this battle, there's still the issue of Fiona's body, which Jerry eventually collects, dismembers, almost entirely stores in Tupperware containers throughout his home. He keeps her head in his fridge, where it continues to talk to him.

This is, of course, not the end of Jerry's troubles, as various people start worrying about and looking for Fiona, and Jerry begins to fall for Lisa, one of Fiona's coworkers.